FIGMO's Follies

Michael Jackson parody

figmo@rahul.net — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 01:40:56 GMT

Those of you who speculated that I'd already come up with a parody were right.

I performed it several times at Fiestacon and got laughs. Trying to moonwalk on carpeting while wearing rubber-soled shoes isn't easy.

Anyhow, for those of you who are curious...

Dumb Animal (Bubbles, Have They Told You?)
(to “Smooth Criminal” by Michael Jackson)
© 2009 Lynn Gold

He was born to be a lab chimp
A trainer thought he was a cute imp
Then he moved into a mansion
Owned by a singer -- Michael Jackson
There he learned to use a toilet,
Wear a white glove, never soil it.
He and Michael shared a bedroom
Where he threw dung from the bathroom

Bubbles, have they told you??
So, Bubbles, have they told you?
Have they told you, Bubbles?
Bubbles, have they told you??
So, Bubbles, have they told you?
Have they told you, Bubbles?
Bubbles, have they told you??
So, Bubbles, have they told you??
Have they told you, Bubbles??
Bubbles, have they told you??
So, Bubbles, have they told you?, Have they told you, Bubbles??

Bubbles, have they told you
That your Daddy isn’t OK?
It was all over Twitter
And on Facebook -- and on TV, Bubbles
Did they tell you in your ape-pen
Or did they tell you -- he’s in Heaven
People thought that he was crazy
Now he’s pushing up the daisies

Bubbles, have they told you??
So, Bubbles, have they told you??
Have they told you, Bubbles??
Bubbles, have they told you??
So, Bubbles, have they told you??
Have they told you, Bubbles??
Bubbles, have they told you??
So, Bubbles, have they told you??
Have they told you, Bubbles??
You’re a chimp, not
You’re a chimp, not - A Dumb Animal

Paramedics in the driveway
It was Tuesday - It was midday
Mouth to mouth resuscitation
Still no heartbeat -- Defibrillation

Bubbles, have they told you??
So, Bubbles, have they told you??
Have they told you, Bubbles??
Bubbles, have they told you??
So, Bubbles, have they told you??
Have they told you, Bubbles??
Bubbles, have they told you??
So, Bubbles, have they told you??
Have they told you, Bubbles??
Bubbles, have they told you??
So, Bubbles, have they told you?
Have they told you, Bubbles??

Bubbles, have they told you
That your Daddy isn’t OK?
It was all over Twitter
And on Facebook -- and on TV, Bubbles
Did they tell you in your ape-pen
Or did they tell you -- he’s in Heaven
People thought that he was crazy
Now he’s pushing up the daisies

Bubbles, have they told you??
So, Bubbles, have they told you??
Have they told you, Bubbles??
You’re a chimp, not
You’re a chimp, not - A Dumb Animal

(spoken) Okay, I want everybody to whip bananas out right now!

Aaow!
Bubbles, have they told you
That your Daddy isn’t OK?
It was all over Twitter
And on Facebook -- and on TV, Bubbles
Did they tell you in your ape-pen
Or did they tell you -- he’s in Heaven
People thought that he was crazy
Now he’s pushing up the daisies, Bubbles!

Bubbles, have they told you
That your Daddy isn’t OK?
It was all over Twitter
And on Facebook -- and on TV, Bubbles
Did they tell you in your ape-pen
Or did they tell you -- he’s in Heaven
People thought that he was crazy
Now he’s pushing up the daisies, Bubbles!

Aaow!!!

Tacky question OTD

figmo@rahul.net — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 01:19:46 GMT

Is it too soon to perform a Michael Jackson parody?

I thought these things were supposed to happen in threes

figmo@rahul.net — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 20:33:45 GMT

First it was Ed McMahon.
Then Farrah Fawcett.
Then Michael Jackson.
Now Billy Mays.

I wasn't totally surprised by McMahon or Fawcett going. He was in ill health, and she was in the endgame of dealing with cancer.

Michael Jackson was a shocker. The man was only about a month and a half younger than me. I don't know why, but I figured Madonna would be especially spooked, given that she's a whopping 12 days older than he is. Now that we know about his addiction to prescription pain killers, his death is more sad than surprising.

Billy Mays dying totally shocked me. I was even more shocked when I learned he was only 16 days younger than me. I was never particularly fond of his ads, but my respect for him jumped when I started watching the Discovery Channel's TV show Pitchmen, which I've found to be curiously addictive. Apparently the man would test every product to make sure it worked the way it was supposed to before he endorsed it.

I fear the rash of celebrity deaths aren't going to end.

Walter Cronkite is apparently quite ill and "not expected to recuperate," according to United Press International.
Patrick Swayze's latest TV series just got cancelled while the National Enquirer, the oft-unreliable tabloid that has been scooping the mainstream press in the last few years, claims he's "dying."
Zsa-Zsa Gabor is in her 90s and is reportedly in the hospital with pneumonia.

Twittering OTD

figmo@rahul.net — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 07:06:53 GMT

19:21 I am soooo glad I have central air conditioning.

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Much-delayed Baycon report

figmo@rahul.net — Sun, 31 May 2009 23:26:10 GMT

Short version: It wasn't the Worst Baycon Ever, and it was far from the best. Sometimes it's the folks attending the con that make it, and this was one of those times.

The bulk of the problems that plagued this year's Baycon seemed attributable to screwups rather than to malice. Several notable people and things were absent (besides the Author GoHs and Fan GoH):

Other Change of Hobbit - Well-known Bay Area SF bookstore.
Kristoph Klover, Margaret Davis, and their bands and equipment.
The "Trailer Park" presentation of lots of upcoming movie trailers.
"A Shot in the DarK" panel. When so many folks independently say "Where's that panel?" you know it's missing.
Full-fledged programming tracks for costuming and science.

The "A Shot in the Dark" panel was so missed several folks took it upon themselves to make it happen, despite the objections of the person in charge of Programming. First it was supposed to happen on the mezzanine at 5:30pm Sunday. When we gathered we were told to go to one of the programming rooms. We went there and were told, "You can't use this room. If you wanted this item on programming, you should have talked to [the gal in charge of programming who didn't want the panel to happen]." Brilliant. flamingchords and trogula then offered their hotel room, so around 20 or 30 of us shlepped up to room 718. Just as things were getting started, someone was sent up from Programming. "You can't hold an open party on a non-party floor. You'll have to close the door." We were glad that was all they made us do! Suffice it to say it was the Best Panel Ever and was well worth missing dinner (and I'm hypoglycemic!) and a place for most of us to sit.

The number one line in conversation seemed to be "What are you reading these days?" It's been years since I've heard that as a conversation-starter at a con, even though IMHO it ought to be. I had interesting conversations with lots of folks that way, including some I'd never met before at places like the hotel sushi bar (which appreciated our vigorous business) and random places waiting in line. The best scheduled panel, IMHO, was the one that involved making liquid nitrogen ice cream. If nothing else, I now know where I can get my grubby little hands on a dewar of liquid nitrogen.

It was great seeing lots of folks I haven't seen in months or years, as well as those I see regularly. I could fill a page just listing them and even then I'd probably miss a bunch of folks. It wasn't great having a sinus infection (the same one I've had more on than off since December) during the con, which is why I didn't try to get a concert this year or even filk, for that matter.

Animals and Life

figmo@rahul.net — Tue, 05 May 2009 03:19:53 GMT

As I continue to grapple with the sudden loss of two people who were each dear to me, along with the loss of Warren's brother, I look for signs of life.

Yesterday Warren and I went out to the stable where dimakoi's roommate keeps her horse. dimakoi was in charge of feeding that day, so we were getting our "horse fix."

There's something about inter-species interaction that I really enjoy. Connecting with another being who has their own, very different way of communicating really thrills me. I'm still learning "horse speak," which is different from "dog speak" or "cat speak." When a horse leans over to give me a "hug" or a "kiss," though, there's no mistaking that for anything else (yes, horses "kiss"). The horses seem to like me, which makes me feel good. Dogs and I already have a good rapport; somehow they can tell I'm a "dog person" (or an "animal person").

This morning and afternoon I've spent extra time on Lady. She's overdue for a haircut, and I was debating whether to try to do it myself. There's something calming about just brushing her for both of us. She rests patiently while I groom, and I get to handle lots of soft, white, cottony doggie fur. There's something soothing about the "doggie love noises" she makes. I've got a killer headache right now. I suspect the weather is playing a strong part. I don't know whether I want to try to eat something spicy to get endorphins going (which could also aggravate my jaw pain and won't help my weight) or try to sleep it out (I'm not at all tired).

With all the stuff going on around me it's easy to forget to take care of oneself. I don't dare do that. I've got a small white creature depending upon me.

Death and Taxes

figmo@rahul.net — Sun, 03 May 2009 08:06:42 GMT

My boss at Omneon and I have a running half-joke about how she has relaxing weekends while mine always either involve "death or taxes." My first three weekends involved Warren's parents' taxes; the weekend after that I attended a mass for Warren's late brother. Last weekend I signed my e-mail to her saying "FINALLY...a weekend without death or taxes."

The next day I learned otherwise. Michael Moore, the DJ on our sister station, KRTY, asked me "Are you going to Maria's funeral?"

"Maria WHO?" I replied.

"Maria Carrillo -- in Traffic."

"She DIED???!?"

Maria Carrillo, KRTY's Traffic Manager, had collapsed while playing bingo the prior weekend. Turns out she'd had a heart attack, then a stroke, then another heart attack, and was finally taken off life support earlier that week. There were no notices around the station, which shocked me, because she performed a vital role for the organization. Even though she officially was in charge of KRTY's logs she often worked on ours at KLIV. One of her sons had even worked in sales at the station, so I especially felt obligated to pay my respects since I knew one of the principal mourners. I went to her viewing last Sunday. It was really sad. I chatted with her older daughter, Maria, and with Jose, her son. Jose had to excuse himself to help his grandmother to the casket. Yee-ouch. Warren couldn't bear to go in. "I've had more death than I can handle." I didn't blame him.

This Friday my boss was in the Sunnyvale office. "Let's keep our fingers crossed," she said.

Then drfilk died. Yeouch. John wasn't at all on my "people I'd expect to die early" radar. It sounded like he was healing well, then kaboom. When I first saw pondside's post I couldn't believe it. I'd hoped I was misinterpreting something. I wish that were the case.

I don't know what I could say about drfilk that hasn't been said. I'm in shock.

I don't know how many years I've known John, but I can't remember not knowing him from the time I started getting active in filking. I remember him being a regular at Musicon and an occasional Worldcon attendee. One year he even rode his motorcycle out to Los Angeles to attend Westercon.

John was always fun to talk with, friendly, warm, and just plain interesting. When he and hsifyppah started doing music together I got to see what he could do musically in a brighter light. He was a fantastic musician, not just because he played well, but because he made others around him sound good by just being with them. I was ecstatic to hear he and hsifyppah were Interfilk Guests at Concertino. John provided Brooke with a foundation she could relax upon to do her music, and Brooke returned the favor by causing folks to notice John as a musician.

My heart goes out to Brooke, John's family and closest friends, and to anyone who knew him. Those of you who didn't know him missed out on a great experience.

No, that wasn't a nightmare that woke me up!

figmo@rahul.net — Sat, 02 May 2009 12:05:10 GMT

On Saturdays, since there's no local news on TV before 5am, I wake up to whatever my TiVo is recording, which in this morning's case was the Food Network. Since I often will incorporate whatever's going on around me into my dreams, I thought I was in the middle of a nightmare.

The scene: Giada DeLaurentiis is presenting a "feast" to her family and friends.

Female Guest: What's in the pasta?
Giada: Basically, it's a vegetable bolognese -- lots of vegetables in it, especially porcini mushrooms.

I can't remember the last time I woke up that fast!

A Dare to Anyone Who Reads This

figmo@rahul.net — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 04:18:43 GMT

I cannot find video anywhere on the Internet of the old Geritol "My wife, I think I'll keep her" commercial from the 1970s. I've found a few other retro Geritol commercials, but not the one I'm seeking.

On a mailing list I'm on, someone brought up this commercial, and a substantial chunk of the list had no idea what the rest of us were referring to.

If someone can point me at it, please do!

Twittering OTD

figmo@rahul.net — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 07:05:45 GMT

07:58 I discovered this the other day and couldn't stop laughing: www.museumofbadart.org

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Teaches me for using Wikipedia to look something up!

figmo@rahul.net — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 18:21:46 GMT

Sometimes you have to share....

I was using Wikipedia to look something up for work when I came across today's Article Of The Day.

I'm moved to tears...of laughter.

Twittering OTD

figmo@rahul.net — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 07:08:48 GMT

02:15 I'm trying to fall asleep and failing miserably.

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Twittering OTD

figmo@rahul.net — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 07:05:18 GMT

23:03 Just added myself to the wefollow.com twitter directory under: #journalism #radio #comedy

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Literal videos

figmo@rahul.net — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 07:52:30 GMT

A former KLIV colleague, John Lee, pointed these out to me on Facebook. The concept: What if people in the music videos were actually singing about what they were doing? The result is "Literal Videos."

Here are the four videos by the guy who originated them:

"Take on Me" by A-ha:

"Head Over Heels" by Tears For Fears:

"Under the Bridge" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers:

"White Wedding" by Billy Idol:

Apparently some of the videos have been pulled off of YouTube because Warner Records thinks there's some kind of copyright violation. The Electronic Frontier Foundation is already taking up the cause, noting that this is clearly fair use as a parody and that the guy who did them isn't making any money off them.

Twittering OTD

figmo@rahul.net — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 07:05:24 GMT

15:42 The Worker's Comp dentist says I need root canal. Eeep.

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Twittering OTD

figmo@rahul.net — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 08:05:04 GMT

16:21 Just sent e-mail to Warren's relatives informing them his brother died in a plane crash this morning. :-(
16:23 Here's a URL briefly describing the crash: www.ktvu.com/news/18818605/detail.html

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Twittering OTD

figmo@rahul.net — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 08:04:09 GMT

20:14 Trying to sleep off a sinus headache and failing miserably.

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KLIV's Latest Contest

figmo@rahul.net — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 04:01:43 GMT

Last week on KLIV we had the "Mystery Voice Mashup" in which a listener had to identify a sequence of five newsmakers, and identify them in the correct order.

Next week there's a new twist: "Mystery Voice on Helium"

I can't wait.

Twittering OTD

figmo@rahul.net — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 08:04:43 GMT

00:41 I just joined the Family History Twitter Group tgr.me/g/genealogy so stop by and see us. #genealogy

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Twitter OTD

figmo@rahul.net — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 08:04:12 GMT

11:51 @brentspiner I missed something somewhere...how did this "vomiting Bush" cake come up? Enquiring minds want URLs! :-) #
11:52 is waking up to go to her weigh-in. #
19:30 Got back from the weigh-in and running errands. I'm down...by around 1/4 pound, and it's 1/4 pound of fat. Yaay! #

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Medical fuu

figmo@rahul.net — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 08:53:47 GMT

Today I went to the lead Worker's Comp doctor for a checkup. He said they got a letter from the Worker's Comp insurance company saying they didn't "approve of Dr. Lee." Neither the doc nor I had any idea who this "Dr. Lee" was that they didn't approve of. Tomorrow I have to call my agent and find out what they want from me now (rolls eyes).

I got home to find out that my upcoming sinus surgery is on hold because of my health plan. According to the gal at my ENT's office, "the insurance company will only approve one code at a time" and they won't schedule anything till they get the approval. The latter part makes sense, but the "only one code at a time" part is ridiculous. One of the things I need to find out is whether the blockage is related to the face injury (yes, it's possible). According to the forms, they can schedule the surgery when it is inconvenient for me, and if the operation date doesn't work and I balk, they'll charge me $75! Eeep.

According to the form faxed to me this morning, I have to stop all NSAIDs (read: no Ibuprofen) for two weeks before the surgery. One of the things I need to find out is how anal-retentive I need to be about this. Tylenol doesn't kill the pain in my jaw.

The one bright spot of the day: At the Worker's Comp doctor's office they tested my vision. It came out 20/15!

Twitter OTD

figmo@rahul.net — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 08:04:03 GMT

01:21 @CherylMorgan I'd heard you were having problems entering the US. Is this true, or is this Yet Another Rumor? #
01:22 @CherylMorgan (I hope it's just a rumor!) #
23:37 @thirdworld At least you have a job to not get the day off from.... #
23:39 @mactavish I agree those shoes are nice! What IS your size? They seem to come in mine! #
23:49 @mactavish Back when dinosaurs roamed the face of the earth I was a perfect size 6 in shoes. Samples come in 6. My uncle owned the store. #
23:49 @mactavish I used to get to go to the store and raid the samples. None of the other gals in his family or the co-owner's wore size 6. #
23:50 @mactavish I almost became a shoe model, but when the person hiring found out whose niece I was, that put the kibosh on it. #
23:58 @DavidLeeGold The "change" is in your car, stuck between the seat cushions. #
00:00 Watching "Dogs 101" with "her whiteness." #

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Twitter OTD

figmo@rahul.net — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 08:03:49 GMT

22:12 @BobHole What channel is it on? (As an aside, one of the weirder things I've seen over the years was a parrot that sang "Bali Hai.") #
22:13 Waking from my weekly Saturday afternoon/evening nap. #
22:14 I'm too tired and not hungry enough to warrant doing a real Valentine's Day dinner (no surprise). #

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Because I needed something silly for Friday

figmo@rahul.net — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:54:51 GMT

Keith Urban (country singer married to Nicole Kidman) has a video you can customize a la "Mad Libs" at http://www.sweetthing.tv.

I took a few, uh, "liberties" with the input, and the safe-for-work (albeit noisy) result is here:

Twitter OTD

figmo@rahul.net — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 08:03:02 GMT

16:39 Much better dinner the other night: "Moq au Vin" (quick Coq au Vin sans shrooms), red chard, buttered noodles. #
16:40 Right now I'm taking advantage of having my house to myself. I'm doing laundry, writing, and installing an all-in-one printer/fax/scanner. #

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