Lynn Gold (figmo) wrote,
Lynn Gold

Update from The Big House

I'm being held another night. Apparently since they didn't see obvious blood coming from the internal hemorrhoids, they want to keep me for observation. They haven't yet said whether they plan to stick tubes down the other direction; I would have expected them to do it along with the colon exam this afternoon if they'd planned on it.

After the exam my blood pressure went through the roof. I now know exactly what Versed, Valium, and their "friends" do to my system to "wire" me. I didn't object to the Versed because I knew it would get me over the colonoscopy much faster.

I still haven't been able to tunnel into work's VPN. This is driving me nuts. I tried asking one of the nurses to ask the hospital's IT staff if IPSEC connections are blocked, but even when I wrote it down, she looked at me like I'd had a lobotomy.

Shortly after the colon exam a woman came by from the hospital Chaplain's office. She had a bunch of pamphlets and stuff and asked if there was anything she could get me to make my hospital stay better.

"Matzah!" I exclaimed. "The hospital dietician said they don't stock any. You'd think there were no Jews in Silicon Valley."

The woman in the other bed was awake. Her son was there to visit. He's a doctor. "Mrs. Wang" is 88 years old and has Alzheimer's. In her day she was a feisty woman. The man told me his parents were married for around 40 years, then his father dumped his mother for a much younger woman. He said he knew his mother's Alzheimer's had kicked in when he mentioned his father and she no longer got angry. He had his laptop unit with him and was watching movies on it, as his mother was apparently barely sentient. I was touched by the way this woman's kids clearly care about her. I'd heard the woman's daughter had been there doing vigil the day before.

He and I were both curious as to what was on TV, so we each turned our TV sets on. I found something internal to the hospital called the Humor channel. It was a few videotapes they kept rerunning. After a few hours I'd seen all the shows and switched channels, but it was good while it lasted. Better yet, it had no commercials.

Eventually I got a nurse to bring me a diet Coke to help alleviate the caffeine-withdrawal headache I was starting to get. I sipped it, savoring every bit. Soon afterwards my dinner arrived. I had chosen Alu Chole from the menu -- chick peas and potatoes, along with brown rice (I'm Sephardic; this is all ok for Passover for me) and diet tapioca pudding. It was on the wussy side, but it was not bad for hospital food. I was starving, which made it that much better-tasting. I barely touched my diet Sprite but held onto the can.

The TV eventually put me to sleep. When I awoke I was thinking "it's too bad they don't have a check-off for a late night snack." I then looked up and saw a box of Passover matzoh staring at me!!! Yee-HAW! The nurse came in to take my blood pressure; the Versed had worn off and I was back to normal. He got me a few pats of butter for the matzoh. I had that and washed it down with my leftover diet Sprite.

As I was finishing up my matzoh sroth and her SO Bruce called. Next Warren called and asked if I was allowed to have visitors. He was allowed up for 15 minutes because it was after 8pm. I was soooo glad to see him. He's been taking care of my house and Lady while I've been here. He told me she was "crazy dogging" in my chair for half an hour today. Awwww.....

I am hoping to get out of here tomorrow. Better yet, I hope they figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I can't wait to see my dog, shower, and use toilet paper that doesn't sand my skin off.
Tags: health

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